Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary with Rob.   Earlier today he text me asking if I was thinking about our relationship because he got the same feeling he had the last time we had tension.  I told him we'd talk about it after my job interview so we wouldnt be interrupted.  Then we both finished our appointments and he text me asking if I wanted to hang out tomorrow instead of today because he had errands he had to do along with cooking (??) and cleaning (his room that's half the size of a dorm room thus taking 2 minutes to clean).   I can't spend the night tomorrow so I said that and followed with sure, whatever you want.   Guess he didnt really want to talk.  I guess I'll just drink alone and sleep all night.  I thought we were going to be a couple that could last years.  maybe I'm just not meant to find that.

I never have the motivation to write, even if theres stuff I want to remember.  I havent worked since January.  I have no money.  I've gone to a bunch of shows and done a bunch of drugs, most for free.  On easter I went to my friend larrys house and invited my friend kelly.  We all decided to trip on 25i at 6am monday morning.   Kelly had a seizure and was totally dead for a minute until we got her to breathe again.  I've been angry and depressed about everything all the time.  rob and I fight all the time.  The other night we fought so I went back to larrys.   I got a bottle of whiskey and made a drink of whiskey and dr pepper.   everything was going well, having lots of fun.  I invited nick (the one that got married) over.   Before he got there I"d been in the bathroom with the girls who were puking.  Nick got there and we went in the living room where I was reunited with my drink.  Shortly thereafter I started to feel like I was tripping.  I noticed it and turned to nick and said "I'm tripping.  what the fuck.  I didnt take anything"  I set my drink down and we left. The couple of people that contacted me after we left said nobody dosed me.  I didnt mention to any of them that I thought it was my drink.  Then last night I was talking to mike and was like "hey, i dont want names or anything but do you know how I got dosed?"  He didnt respond for a while and then was like "all I can think of is maybe your drink"   so I'm assuming he did it.  Whats fucked up is I was down to trip in the first place but nobody wanted to so we just drank.  It's really dangerous to mix it.  Luckily I felt it quick and only drank a bit of the drink.

So thats where I'm at.  I'll never hang with them again.  I'm 94 pounds.  Robs birthday is at midnight so were going to see our friend play a show.  Hope you're all doing well

I'm rolling my face off and really in the mood to write so I shall update you all on life.  I got fired from my bar job last saturday because there were already  5 servers on (in a bar so small even on the busiest night max needed would be 3) and I was told the day before that the new girl was working and I didnt need to come in.  So I made plans with my mom who I rarely spend time with.  Then saturday my boss calls and wants me to come in.  I tell rob to tell her that I would go in if she would cut me first.  She wasnt willing to do that and threatened to fire me.  I got so stressed out from that, like I was in tears.  So I told her I wasnt coming in, she gave all my shifts to the new girl and fired me.  Rob quit 2 hours later.

I've been sick since christmas.  It's driving me insane to practically never be able to breathe through my nose.  The only time I can is when I drink something hot and sometimes when I sleep.  Literally.  it's super fucking old.  I also either broke a rib or severely pulled a muscle during a coughing fit because part of my left ribs hurt like a motha fuckaaa.

~~on to the positive~~
Rob and I are doing wonderfully.   Were making a lot of plans.  Were going to open a joint checking account so we can start saving to move out together.  March is going to be an epic month for us.  we have the Mantis show on the first and then were going to Toronto to see flux pavilion on the 7th.  We were going to see him in denver but the tickets for the denver festival and for electric forest were going on sale the same day so we had to choose.  I saw that flux was playing T.O. and that made the decision easy.  we can drive to toronto, we'll save a shit ton of money.  then theres a cookie  monsta show as well! 

We ventured into drug dealing for a hot minute-molly.  sold most of it to one person, but it was a sketchy situation so most likely won't be doing that again.  Not sure.   My regular guy got new shit and I don't like it, I don't roll off it, and neither does rob and we bought 10g of it.  So needless to say rob thinks we got fucked over so he was on edge all week.  I'm pms-y so I was on edge.  and we hadn't done any drugs for like 2 weeks so it was just all tension. 

BUT!  I started promoting for an EDM event company called Dub Down and met a kid called tim (yeah another one haha) who also promotes with them.  We get to the show tonight and I see one of my friends who tells me he's rolling balls, I  ask him if he has any molly, he doesnt but lo and behold his boy does!  N. points him out and I'm like dudeeee sweet! cuz I know him.  Shit's so legit.  I feel fuckin great.  And rob and I got to bond again and get back on the right page.  Now if only I had some mother fucking tic tacs so I could stop clenching my jaw.

Angii is in from denver helping her aunt who has breast cancer.  I'm taking her to krewella next week.

I think thats pretty much it....I hope you all are taking care of yourselves.  Physically and emotionally.  You're all beautiful and you don't need to live in a web of self destruction.  There is a better world out there!